The Calories don’t count more than the dancer.
READ THIS DANCERS: I really want to share more about my body image struggle. If any of you out there can relate, i hope you can get something out of my voice.
Up until 2 years ago, I didn’t know I had a problem with how I viewed my weight. Im not saying its wrong to be health conscious, of course it is alright to take care of your health and I still do believe that I want to feel good when I am dancing which Is why I try to give my body my best to perform better. This is me now, but this was not me back then.
The things is I have really good self control, Im the type of person if my teacher tells me don’t eat for the next week I probably will just eat a banana and a cracker a day, which I used to do. The older dancers I used to see used to do that and I took that as an example, not thinking it would have its consequences. I saw professionals do it, and I was told this was normal for dancers to do. And I believed them, because this seemed to be normal, and I didn’t seem to be affected back then.
My high school friends saw me count my calories, I still have my small notebook I kept from back then. I thought it was normal because I was a dancer and it seemed normal. You might think it is too, that it is part of the job description to be thin, and maybe it is to be HEALTHY but not to be just THIN.
2 years ago a friend passed by my room and saw I had a calendar full of numbers, she asked me what it was, i said I monitored my weight, waistline and measurements everyday since I was 15. I did that everyday even after leaving the company. She was now a doctor and a previously a dancer. And told me, that it wasn’t normal, even 9 years after leaving the company, i was always dieting, depriving myself of eating. I took those with me, i wasn’t even dancing professionally anymore but I was doing this. I didn’t see it as a problem, i was just thinking I needed to look a certain way because I was still a dance teacher, and I was still dancing a little bit. That I should still look like this because I was a teacher.
I WAS SO WRONG.
I still have a hard time seeing it, because I didn’t know how huge the effects were on my body. Because of it I didn’t know that I had developed certain sleep problems because of the lack of food. Lack of energy, and to someone outside the dance world this probably sounds stupid or silly. But to me it wasn’t, which is why it was so hard to share when I found out. I felt like a fraud as a teacher, or I felt too that I wasn’t a good example.
Now I am able to see things healthier, I stopped stepping on the scale, and it was harder than I thought. It’s been 2 years and I’ve only stepped on the scale 8 times since then. There is more to a dancer than just looking at her weight. I think the health is just a bonus to the hard work and dedication you put into your dancing and your work. I have never felt better with my body, being able to eat and being able to just enjoy food and life.
That doesn’t say I still don’t have struggles, I still continue to work on myself. But I have no problem sharing it to you, I am happy I can say this now. If you’ve read this far, I hope you think about it too if you struggle with the same issues. How you can change too, and how it will help you become healthier too when you do. ESPECIALLY IN THE PANDEMIC. (Gaining weight almost felt like sin to me, maybe you can relate)
Special mention to @australiandancersoverseas she gave a lot of light to this and to all of my mental struggles on weight. Things can get real when you start to have mental problems from not eating enough. As you become more aware of your body you find out what really is important.
Here’s a little sketch on how I view and rate myself now. My body being the plus of all the hard work I put into my art everyday. I hope you can all read the full story. Left the link in my BIO for my first weight blog on the website. And a sketch of @coco xuan just cause she looked so amazing and carefree, just like I would love to feel about my own body and weight from now on. <3
Much Love always,
Teacher Lina